Seeking Desperation

O my goodness,

It is a new year! How wonderful are fresh beginnings! It has been a little while since the last update. There is a reason for that. I graduated from college the Thursday before Christmas and decided that I would fully rest until after the New Year. I’m so glad that I did; it was a little difficult though. Isn’t it strange how resting can be difficult sometimes?

Practical stuff= When the Saints is about to start into a whole lot. We will be seeking monthly supporters. Right now we have $1050 a month coming in and we hope to have around $8,000 a month by the end of February. We are also pursuing and arranging speaking engagements at churches and schools so that the story of WtS can be heard. We hope that this will lead into monthly supporters as well as fundraisers. We are now at $37,749 of the $125 thousand goal. God is so faithful.

Heart stuff= First of all just so you know. This email is going to focus more on the personal stuff and less on the businessy things. Just wanted to start off the New Year sharing a little of what God has been solidifying in my heart instead of just jumping right in to the “whats” and the “hows”. This has to do with the way I have pursued a relationship with Jesus my whole life.

I’ve always had this picture perfect dream relationship that looked like this… Jesus and me were really tight, we always had fluid communication and it wouldn’t even be difficult for me to spend hours with Him. And then everyone would look up to me and learn from the sweet awesome relationship that I have with Him and everything would be wonderful. I was recently shown that what I was pursing was to be “rich in spirit”. I had just assumed that this was exactly the type of relationship that Jesus wanted with me and even was kinda waiting for me to attain it with Him.

The most famous sermon in the history of humanity in Matthew 5 says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit,” but what does this look like? What does this mean? Is it different from what I have been wanted and striving after for so long? “Ya David, that is very much different from what it is that I have always wanted with you. In fact it’s pretty much opposite”.

Desperation, emptiness, even anguish; it’s when you take such a huge step into the unknown that all you can do is cry out. Jesus if you don’t come through in this one then I will fail miserably. I desperately need you. I don’t know if I can make it through today without you. Jesus I am in anguish. The closer and closer I get to seeing your heart for the suffering, the greater I ache the way that Yours does. It is almost unbearable. I can’t do this alone. Jesus I need you…

This is not what I have been desiring. My plan was a lot easier and much more comfortable. It also had me as the focus and glorified me a whole lot more than it ever would Him. Now He has been sifting my paradigm. I’m  beginning to desire desperation, emptiness, and anguish and am discovering that it is out of these that the greatest and purest passion flows.

David Peterka

“All true passion is born out of anguish” –David Wilkerson

Psalm 55:4 and 22= My heart is in anguish within me, 
And the terrors of death have fallen upon me… Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

P.S. We will be sending out tax deductible donation receipts in the next few days to everyone that donated last year! Thank you dearly to those of you who who so incredibly generous.

-Also here is a link to a very powerful excerpt from a sermon by David Wilkerson called “A Call to Anguish”.

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